CNM 011: Domestic Violence Isn’t Always Obvious – with Julie Meredith

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In this episode we focus on a topic many codependents struggle with whether they know it or not. Having recently published a popular episode on narcissistic abuse, we wanted to tackle the topic of domestic violence.

Julie Meredith has had a strong interest in social justice for many years, and after serving in the church, she began working with Safe Harbor, a nonprofit organization that provides safe shelter, counseling and advocacy for victims of domestic violence as well as leadership for education and prevention efforts.

1 in 4 American women report that a partner at one point has physically abused them in time. This is ONLY the number that actually report abuse, so it is reasonable to believe that more than 1 in 4 American women have been physically abused.

Julie discusses subtle signs of domestic violence, the common patterns that domestic violence victims have in terms of extracting themselves from violent relationships, and the frequency of returning to the perpetrator. Julie says the reverse question should be, “Why do people abuse, and why should the consequences have to be on the victim?” Usually there are a lot more consequences for the victim than the perpetrator.

“I think victims become codependent on their partner. They overcompensate to try to make that person happy so that the abuse and control will lessen… trying to create rules for themselves to make things better in their relationship, without realizing that they actually can’t control what that partner does.”

In this episode, we discuss:

  • Domestic violence statistics in the U.S.
  • Subtle forms of domestic abuse
  • Warning signs of possible future domestic violence
  • The overlap between domestic abuse and codependency
  • How power and control plays into domestic violence
  • A movement to raising a generation of respect rather than violence
  • How to leave an abusive relationship
  • Finding “safe” people and a supportive environment
  • How to help victims of domestic violence in your community
  • Julie’s advice for codependents

Items mentioned in this episode include:

What do you think? What’s the best way to handle domestic violence?

1 Comment
  1. I believe the best way to handle domestic violence is to nail a person’s pocket book by charging them a fairly large fine. If they cannot pay, then jail time ensues. Perhaps $10,000 donated to the shelters around North America would help arrest this terrible malady.