Are you worried that your relationship may have symptoms of codependency? Do you find yourself questioning your own behavior and that of your partner’s? Do you wonder whether your feelings are a result of real love or addiction? Do you sometimes wonder whether you should be consistently overcoming obstacles and adhering to your partner’s emotional needs and ignoring your own? If these questions strike a chord, remember that a healthy relationship has to be equal in emotional terms but a codependent relationship changes the behaviors of a healthy association and any noted insecurities in relationships need to be addressed before the situation becomes out of control. After you read this article, you may want to take our codependency quiz if you feel you have a codependent personality.
There are many symptoms of codependency such as:
- A compulsive need to control or to care for
- Compulsive behaviors including possessiveness and sex
- A need for perfectionism
- Love avoidant behavior
- A compulsion to achieve
- Ongoing insecurities in relationships
- Feeling a need to be independent
- Feelings of constraint within the relationship
- An inability to say what you really mean without hurting your partner
If these symptoms sound familiar, think back to your childhood, was it loving and caring? Many codependent individuals have found that their childhood felt empty and that these feelings of emptiness continue into their adult relationships. A need to control or to resolve issues often stems from feelings of worthlessness and of being unloved or cared for and it’s important to understand whether your own love addiction is as a result of a troubled childhood.
If you turn your attention inward and reflect on your past, you may start to identify memories that hold the key to your current behavioral trends. Unknowingly, you may have tried to forge relationships that could compensate for the inadequacies of your childhood years. You need to feel in control and they need to be cared for.
If you find that you consistently put the needs of your partner above your own, then with clarity, it is time to take a step back and consider your own needs and to be able to voice this of course. This is not easy but is a step in the right direction and you will be attempting to alter behaviors that have long since become the norm in your life but with focus, these changes can start to happen. Unhealthy relationships are often due to lessons learned in your childhood simply because behaviors are absorbed so readily at a young age, and you would have no alternate behaviors to compare these examples to. So in this respect, it is important to realize that you are not to blame for your codependency symptoms.
Your own relationship may be unhealthy but that does not make it less powerful. Obsessive love can be based on manipulative behaviour and a sense of need but the emotions within the relationship can feel very real. It can be difficult to identify whether love or addiction but if you feel doubts about your own behavior or that of your partners or if it feels wrong and yet, is difficult to walk away, then you probably are aware of the answer.
Codependency symptoms will not suddenly disappear, nor will the relationship magically improve. If you feel that insecurities in relationships are affecting your life, then it’s important that you seek out a trained counselor who will try to ascertain the triggers before any recovery period starts. This will not be an instant cure-all and the recovery period is different for everybody. A good counselor who specializes in codependency addiction will be able to help you see that you are not alone and that your learned behaviors are merely a result of self protection and avoiding emotional turmoil or pain. But take heart because these symptoms of codependency will start to eradicate as you move forward along the healing path with expert advice.
So is it love or addiction? To take our codependency quiz, follow this link: